1. Knock Knock
    Who’s there?
    Alfred who?
    Alfred the needle if you sew.

    Hahahahahahah (it’s all in the delivery)

  2. I’m a little teapot, short and stout,
    here is my handle and here’s my ….. /looks around “oh no I’m a sugarbowl! 🙁 “


  3. @katie I’m tempted to give you the ticket – to stop you from leaving more jokes 😛

    Knock Knock
    Who’s There?
    Harry Who?
    I’m all right and harrywho? (how are you?) 😛
    It’s all in the delivery. Heh

  4. Tweeted joke from @jamopo:

    Here ya go, joke for the day…enjoy….

    After numerous rounds of ‘We don’t even know if Osama bin Laden is still alive’, Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter

    in his own hand writing to let him know he was still in the game. Bush opened the letter and it contained a single line of coded message:


    Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condoleezza Rice. Condi and her aides had not a clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.

    No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, and then to MI6. Eventually they asked the Mossad (Israeli intelligence) for help.

    Within a minute the Mossad emailed the White House with this reply: ‘Tell the President he’s holding the note upside down.

    (yeah I had to turn it upside down, too :P)

  5. The joke’s on me cause I already have a ticket!

    But for the sake of not being left out…

    A guy visits an old friend who owns a farm. Showing him around, the farmer points out the pig sty. “Do you want to see my pig?”

    He then tells the incredible story of how the pig had saved his life when the farm had caught fire. The pig had leapt out of the sty, run into the house and dragged the farmer and his family to safety. Then he told about how the following year, the pig had seen off a pack of dogs that was threatening to slaughter the sheep. Finally, he told how the pig had saved his son’s life last summer by diving into the pond and saving him from drowning.

    “That’s one impressive pig,” the man agreed. But as they approached the sty, he noticed something wrong.

    “How did he get the wooden leg?”

    The farmer winked.

    “With a pig that good, you don’t eat him all at once.”

    Badum – tish.

  6. And finally…

    The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. Recent winning entries:

    1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

    2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

    3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

    4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

    5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

    6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

    7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

    8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.

    9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

    10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

    11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

    12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you

    13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish Expressions.

    14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

    15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

    16. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.

    Do I win? Do I? Huh? Huh? Do I?

    : P

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