Australia: Are you really Australian?

EDIT: thanks to ServantOfChaos for pointing me to TrukStop I was thinking about how we’ve always added our two cents worth to content we like. When I was growing up, Doc Neeson and The Angels had this song:Pristine version, from telly, but expletives are added in YouTube comments *laughs* After Doc Neeson (?) sang the…

EDIT: thanks to ServantOfChaos for pointing me to TrukStop

I was thinking about how we’ve always added our two cents worth to content we like. When I was growing up, Doc Neeson and The Angels had this song:

Pristine version, from telly, but expletives are added in YouTube comments *laughs*

After Doc Neeson (?) sang the main line “Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again” the crowd would scream back: No Way! Get F**ked! F**k Off! It got to the point where he would pause and point the mike to the audience for them to scream and go wild.

User generated music video replete with expletives and mock punch ups

It was the moment of most connection between creator and audience. Probably the most memorable if not the most popular song.

Anyway, are YOU a trueblue Aussie cobber? heh

1. You know the meaning of the word ‘girt’.

2. You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.

3. You think it’s normal to have a Prime Minister called Kevin.

4. You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse.

5. You’ve made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden.

6. You believe it is appropriate to put a rubber in your son’s pencil case when he first attends school.

7. When you hear that an American ‘roots for his team’ you wonder how often and with whom.

8. You understand that the phrase ‘a group of women wearing black thongs’ refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.

9. You pronounce Melbourne as ‘Mel-bin’.

10. You pronounce Penrith as ‘Pen-riff’.

11. You believe the ‘L’ in the word ‘ Australia ‘ is optional.

12. You can translate: ‘Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas.’

13. You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.

14. You call your best friend ‘a total bastard’ but someone you really, truly despise is just ‘a bit of a bastard’.

15. You think ‘Woolloomooloo’ is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.

16. You’re secretly proud of our killer wildlife.

17. You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that’s twice as big as its $2 coin.

18. You understand that ‘Wagga Wagga’ can be abbreviated to ‘Wagga’ but ‘Woy Woy’ can’t be called ‘Woy’.

19. You believe that cooked-down axlegrease makes a good breakfast spread.

20. You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.

21. You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says ‘cobber’.

22. You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels’ song Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again.

23. You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionary known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.

24. You still don’t get why the ‘Labor’ in ‘Australian Labor Party’ is not spelt with a ‘u’.

25. You wear ugh boots outside the house.

26. You believe, as an article of faith, that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off to the Yanks for a pittance.

27. You believe that the more you shorten someone’s name the more you like them.

28. You understand that ‘excuse me’ can sound rude, while ‘scuse me’ is always polite.

29. You know what it’s like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.

30. You understand that ‘you’ has a plural and that it’s ‘youse’.

31. You know it’s not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle.

32. Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket.

33. You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call ‘Anzac cookies’.

34. You still think of Kylie as ‘that girl off Neighbours’.

35. When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs – just in case you’re trying to sneak in fruit.

36. You believe the phrase ‘smart casual’ refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered.

37. You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction.

38. When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.

39. You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second.

40. You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government’s new test for migrants.

41. You will immediately forward this list to other Australians, here and overseas, realising that only they will understand.

Number 25 is wrong – it’s Ugg and we don’t wear them outside the house. Only Paris Hilton and that New York crowd would do anything so uncouth. *disgusted*

Gavin Heaton

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  1. OK, I guess I’m still Australian, despite leaving 😉

    Although on the point of killer wildlife, I still think the best thing about America is the complete absence of huntsman spiders here — and especially not the South Australian desert kind that grow really big and then jump at you.

    (The close second-best thing is being able to buy a banana split in every diner. All countries should have syrup-covered ice-cream on every corner!)

    Also, seriously, squirrels make possums look SOOO ugly!

  2. Just to nitpick, but 35 is wrong as well. It’s AQIS that will brutally strip search you for fruit.

    Customs will wait for them to finish before brutally strip searching you to make sure you’re not bringing in a third bottle of duty-free grog 🙂

  3. @Sara do squirrels make love ALL night in the roof? Or wee wee down the walls so you have a big stain? So cute, our possums. 😛

    @Mick Accadacca and Kylie. Our contribution to the music world.

    @shane quick! let Today Tonight know. “Taxpayers money being wasted on TWO brutal strip searches!”. Some business process inquiries need to be made there. Surely they can fold the brutality into one long abuse rather than two short forms? *puzzled*

  4. I confess, I’m a bogun. I trudge up the road to the servo in my Ugg boots when we run out of milk at 10 o’ clock at night 🙂

  5. Paris Hilton and NY don’t sync. She’s all Cali style (and no, that’s not a good thing).

    The real Paris and NY sync more, and that’s not exactly easy to say 😉

  6. Very amusing – chuckled out loud. Should be used in multiple choice form for all newbies to the country!

  7. I’ve always wondered who started the get fucked bit in the Angels song. There must have been a first person – who was it? when was it? Someone must know. Maybe Glen. A Baker.

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